Diary of an Outcast

Tears of Laughter, Part 2

2011-11-11T09:55:00.000-05:00

Life has a way of making you think, doesn't it? Of taking everything you thought you believed and turning it on its side as if to show you that you can't ever figure out everything. It's been a rough lesson to learn, for me, but a good one.

I have come to the conclusion that nothing ever lasts forever, and that's not necessarily a bad thing, either. This world we live in is constantly changing - everything is constantly changing. Change is one of those unstoppable forces in the world, and that's a good thing, since nothing was ever truly meant to last forever. Besides, things would be too boring that way.

The important question to ask is not whether or not things will change, but in what direction they're changing, and whether that's a good thing, a bad thing, or just something you'll need to adjust to but otherwise doesn't really have an impact one way or the other. The clock ticks onward, time is always changing, and the very fabric of the universe is constantly adjusting itself to keep up.

I've been learning to live in today, rather than to live in my concept of what they future needs to be based upon what the past has been. The world changes, and I need to learn to keep my finger on the pulse of how it's changing, and be true to myself in determining what changes I need to make in my own life to adjust for these changes. Day by day nothing is static but more a constantly fluid motion into the future, with me coming along for the ride. It's a strong current, and while I can look upstream and remember things from the past I can't go back there again, and worrying about what's around the corner doesn't do much good for the day-to-day things (although it's always good to plan in case of waterfalls, of course). I'm better off living in the present moment, enjoying the view as the shoreline of new memories passes by, adjusting to keep myself safe in the current time, safe in my present moment.

Planning ahead too far truly leads to disappointment. Even if good things happen, it can be hard to recognize them as what I needed in that moment because I'm too busy being disappointed because it's not what I wanted. Certainly, it's good to plan ahead for things, but time is fluid, and I need to keep my plans fluid to adjust appropriately, rather than clinging to rigid beliefs and then holding on to those beliefs long past the time when the universe has proven they're not going to happen, it's time to let go. And let me tell you, I have spent way too much time clinging to beliefs that were no longer real, to the point that now looking back I can only laugh at myself and wonder, "What was I thinking?"

Letting go of expectations means that I recognize what I have that is good as good, rather than as "not what I wanted" - and I can thoroughly enjoy living in the present moment. It's a lesson I have learned the hard way, and a lesson that I do not intend to forget.

My life is beautiful, now. And now, I can recognize it for what it is, rather than what it isn't. <3

Quote - Plans

2011-11-11T09:43:00.001-05:00

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.
~ Unknown

Thoughts and Feelings

2011-11-10T12:50:00.000-05:00

A lot of things have happened since I've been here, and a lot of things have changed about who I am and where I feel I'm going in life.

I have had a lot of courage in my life. This past year I left an abusive relationship and I have been on a slow journey to rediscover myself, as well as to rediscover the joys in life. I am a stronger person now than I was, and I am also a much happier person than I have been in a long time.

I am keeping this short today, but I am writing here because it has been too long since I have been here to write, and this writing is a large part of myself that I had put aside.

Don't put yourself aside, hold firm to who you are, and you can face life as it comes. I am working towards that, and right now, I think I'm doing a pretty good job of that.

I will write more later.

Quote - Life

2011-11-10T12:46:00.002-05:00

Life is mostly froth and bubble,
Two things stand like stone,
Kindness in another's trouble
Courage in your own.

Adam Lindsay Gordon

Quote - Leaders

2007-12-20T19:52:00.000-05:00

The difference between a boss and a leader: a boss says, 'Go!' -- a leader says, 'Let's go!'
~E. M. Kelly

Tears of Laughter

2007-12-19T22:29:00.000-05:00

My life feels so perfect right now.

I know it's not perfect, there are still plenty of things I could find wrong with it... But I don't want to look, I want to hold on to this moment of perfection and wonder because I know that, as long as I hold firm, this "moment" will never end, and the feelings of perfection and wonder and awe and excitement and relaxation will last a lifetime.

There is something to be said for discovering a feeling as wonderful as this... It is not a feeling of excitement, by the dictionary definition, but it is excitement just the same. It is a sense of belonging... A firm conviction, down deep in your soul, that this is where you were meant to be, this is where you belong, you have finally discovered your place in life.

All I had to do was discover my other half...

I remember on my last trip to see my family, my sister was asking her friends if they believed there was one specific person out in the world, meant for her. I can answer her question now. The answer is "yes," and the answer to the question of how one would know when they have found the right person is simply "listen." Listen to your heart, and the answer becomes obvious.

My life is now underlined by perfect calm... The kind that comes from an underlying strength that permeates your entire life. My strength lies in the knowledge that I am in Love with the most wonderful man on the face of the planet, and he is in Love with me, we were meant for each other, and now that we have realized this our futures are intertwined in a way that cannot be undone, and does not wish to unravel. It is a feeling of perfection, and completeness, and it is both stronger and gentler than any feeling I have ever known... Sometimes it is overwhelming, and somethings it is the strength that keeps me from becoming overwhelmed with anything and everything that is thrown at me.

We do the most amazing things, and we have traveled to some distant places to look at flowers or hike or attend the theater or try a fancy restaurant... And of all the things I have done with him, the thing that I enjoy the most is sitting on the couch, eating mildly-warm pizza, and watching "Law and Order". We have spent hundreds of hours in his car driving to anything worth seeing or doing in a three hour radius, and despite our best efforts we have only finished one of his audio books on tape, not for lack of trying, but because we're unable to keep quiet long enough to listen, we just want to talk and listen the entire trip and don't remember to put the tape in until ten minutes before our arrival. The last ten minutes, of course, are spent discussing important matters like how we never seem to finish a tape, maybe next week we'll try again, and by the way, where are we going next week? Cue a whole different discussion, and the books on Compact Disk sit silent in the tape deck.

I have never felt more complete, more alive, more in love with life, and he is the reason. Wherever he goes, I want to go to. I have spent my life wondering where I belonged, and if I truly did belong, and I finally have my answer. My life has been changed beyond recognition, my existence finally has found a purpose, and my heart is happier than I ever felt possible.

Wherever he goes, that is where I belong.

Quote - Laughter

2007-12-19T22:26:00.000-05:00

Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.
~Victor Borge

Freedom, Finally

2007-12-18T22:09:00.000-05:00

I have always enjoyed Douglas Adams. His sense of humor appeals to me, perhaps because it reminds me of myself. Not in the sense that I can state outlandish things in a very calm and matter-of-fact manner to make others smile and laugh hysterically, but in the sense that I see myself in his jokes, and they help me smile about even the most stressful situations.

I have seen many deadlines "whooshing" by, felt the stress as they approached, the panic as they passed, the relief that I finally finished the job, the nervousness of whether the work would remain acceptable, the strange sense of release when all turns out well and understanding is exchanged by all involved. Then there are the deadlines that sneak up behind you, never announce their presence, and sometimes manage to sneak past only to leave you in a panic a week later because of a seemingly simple (if you are lucky) or scarily complex and barely started (if you are not lucky) task has slipped through the cracks.

Yes, I have seen my share of deadlines. I have felt them all.

Fortunately, today is one deadline that did not sneak up behind me. I have completed my take home Final, I have turned it in, I turned down the offer of an extension because I wanted it out of my hands and off my to do list, and now my life is more relaxed than it has been in months.

Or, at least, it was until I looked around my room and saw all the projects I had neglected in the process of preparing for this Final. I am going to be rather busy this next week.

At least I won't be bored?

Quote - Deadlines

2007-12-18T22:08:00.000-05:00

I love deadlines. I love the whooshing sound they make as they go by.
~ Douglas Adams

Fulfilling Destiny

2007-12-17T21:56:00.000-05:00

I know I haven't been around much... Truth be told I have been insanely busy. Whether this is meant in the enjoyable or stressful manner, I leave as an exercise to the reader, although I would honestly say it has been quite a mix of both.

My life has never felt so wonderful.

But with all new discoveries of joy and happiness, there comes pain. New things change old standards and equalities and balances, and while one may know that their decisions are best and moving forward and upward and onward into this brand new discovery of where one is supposed to be is the right thing to do, others may argue. And right now, for me, others are arguing. My parents, to be precise.

But there comes a time when one has to question one's motives and actions, and determine where a certain path is leading and if that is where one wants to go. In the end, it is the final decision of the traveler, not of the observers, to determine the best course. Others may want a travel partner, but why go climb Mount Everest simply because someone else wants your company, when you know in your heart that you are meant to be exploring the Everglades? While the needs and desires of others deserve consideration in the giant equation of future decisions, the ultimate decision goes to the decider.

I am happy where I am, and I will no longer surrender my intentions for the future to someone who has never accepted me for who I was, not even in the past? I spent most of my life in a shadow entitled "Who you are supposed to be" instead of going out and discovering myself on my own.

Now that I have discovered myself, I will not surrender, not for anything. My life is mine, and I will live it to the best of my abilities. I will not give up the gains I have made simply because I am told they are the wrong ones... In my heart I know they are right, I have never been happier, and no amount of arguing or ridicule will take that away from me. I am happy, and I will remain happy, and I will remain me.

I have drawn the line, I will stand firm, I will never back down from who I am.

Poetry - Empty Shell

2007-12-17T21:53:00.000-05:00

If I become an empty shell
That is the end of me
No decisions I can make
No future as far as I can see

I must hold steadfast to myself
I can never turn a pawn
An empty, hardened shell of hate
One small crack, and all is gone

Quote - Success

2005-11-14T01:55:00.000-05:00

There can be no success without hardship.
~ Sophocles, Greek philosopher, writer, (497-406 BC)

Me, My Life, and I

2005-11-13T13:35:00.000-05:00

Yes, I am still alive, no need to panic. Life has been hectic, but wonderfully so.

And I have learned that you're never really living until you learn to trust your own opinions instead of always relying on others. Make your own mistakes. Live your own life. Be who you want to be, instead of who everyone else seems to want you to be.

That's the only way to live at peace with yourself.

Poem - My Life

2005-11-13T13:29:00.000-05:00

I'll live my life as I see fit
To none will I surrender it

My dreams are mine to love and do
They do not need support from you

My hopes belong to me alone
Within my heart they make their home

My heart is mine alone to give
You cannot tell me how to live

I'll live my life as I see best
Until I find eternal rest

Limiting Reality

2005-09-17T17:20:00.000-05:00

I have come to the conclusion that not just beauty, but reality itself, lies in the eye of the beholder. Reality is what we use to determine what is possible and what is improssible, what we can and cannot do, who we can and cannot be, and many other facets of life that really have no limitations at all.

We are only limited by what we set as our limits.

Quote - Really?

2005-09-17T16:10:00.000-05:00

It's not our abilities that limit us, but our perceptions of reality...

Daring Dreams

2005-09-16T12:17:00.000-05:00

It's amazing how things work out sometimes. Even when it seems the world is ready to pull you apart and everything you've been trying hard to accomplish starts coming apart at the seams... there is still hope.
Sometimes the direction you've been taking just isn't the direction you should be going in. Sometimes there's a better chance just waiting around the corner.

Don't back down, and don't give up, because you never know what fun surprises are waiting just around the corner.

Poetry - Hopeful Dreams

2005-09-15T23:27:00.000-05:00

There's a dream that can't be spoken
There's a piece of life unbroken
There's a hope, a dream, a fear, a chance just waiting to be heard
There's a light beyond the sorrow
There's a chance beyond tomorrow
There's a reason in the future, you'll just have to take my word

Slipping Sideways

2005-09-15T00:05:00.000-05:00

Life is rough. There's just no way around it. No matter what you do, what you say, what you believe, someone or something is going to try to take that away from you.
But I will resist. I will hold on, and I will overcome whatever they throw at me. I might lose some sanity in the process, I might slip even further than I have already, but I will not surrender, I will not give up, and I refuse to lose.
I will not give up without a fight!

Quote - Slipping

2005-09-14T23:18:00.000-05:00

Life probably has some pretty deep gouge marks in it now, because I know I'm slipping off...

Fabulous Friendship

2005-09-14T11:20:00.000-05:00

It's a real great thing in life to find someone you can really trust and appreciate and understand. Even better if that person trusts, appreciates, and understands you, as well. The best friends in life are the ones who accept you for who you are, and believe in you because you are yourself. The best chances in life are the ones to find these special friends, who believe in you and care about you, and want what's best for you.
And the happiest times in life are the ones shared with these friends. There is nothing quite as joyous as sharing the hopes and dreams of a friend, and nothing quite as comforting as knowing you have someone to share your joys and sorrows with.

Quote - Friend

2005-09-13T23:27:00.000-05:00

A true friend is one soul in two bodies.
~Aristotle

The Great Gamble

2005-09-13T22:20:00.000-05:00

How do you know when to take your chances? How do you know when to take your best shot? How do you know when to risk it all? And how do you know you won't be left behind, alone and hurt once again?
I guess you don't, really, but you have to try. You have to take your life in your hands and stretch outside your comfort zone and honestly try. And the funny thing is, you can actually get rather far by taking that chance, risking a mistake, and taking your life into your own hands.
You never know what you can accomplish until you try. The results can be quite rewarding. =)

Quote - Try!

2005-09-13T20:30:00.000-05:00

You miss 100% of the shots you never take.
~Wayne Gretzky

Hanging In and Hanging On

2005-09-12T21:04:00.000-05:00

Alright, so call me stubborn. I refuse to admit defeat, I have to keep trying and trying and beating problems to death. I have to find a solution, and I will keep trying until I do.
This makes living with deadlines difficult.
I don't take "no" for an answer, though. (Not unless that's the answer I want, anyway.) Otherwise I'll keep poking it and beating it to death until I finally find an answer I like, and can live with. I am terribly stubborn sometimes.
But sometimes stubborness equals survival. If nothing else, it means I refuse to admit defeat, and I refuse to surrender. Might not be the smartest thing to do in all cases, but it's gotten me this far, I figure it's good for a few more years at least. =)

Quote - Success

2005-09-12T20:26:00.000-05:00

Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go.
~William Feather

Heart and Soul

2005-09-11T14:05:00.000-05:00

I have to say something here, but I'm not sure exactly how much to say, this being the internet and all. =)
Suffice to say I'm having the time of my life, and I don't really remember ever being this happy. Never mind the fact that I'm working part time during the semester, and I'm taking ME7000 Analytical Engineering Analysis which is rumored to be the hardest class I'll ever have to take, and I'm agreeing with it right now...
I should be really stressed out right now, and extremely antisocial, and many other things that deal with being an Engineer with insanely difficult math problems that take at least two hours each, and two grad courses that both assume I've been taught more than I have. But... somehow, for some unknown reason, I'm not.
Well, not an unknown reason for me. Nope, I know the answer to this mystery! I have found a solution, and an answer, and a purpose.
And because I'm such an evil, selfish person... Well, I'm not sharing. =)

Quote - Love

2005-09-11T12:41:00.000-05:00

For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.
~Judy Garland

The Sands of Time

2005-08-27T12:48:00.000-05:00

Time seems to determine everything I can and can't do, nowadays. Do you have a moment to spare? Because I certainly don't seem to, I'm always busy running off to be somewhere or do something or get away from something else. Everything needs time, and you're only given a limiteded amount to work with.
I intend to do all I can with what I've got, though. Sure, sometimes that involves procrastinating, but you don't really expect me to work 24/7/365.25, do you? I've got my work and my friends and my interest and hobbies... I've got plenty to do, and I will do them all. Once I figure out how to fit them in, anyway.
The sands of time can be unforgiving sometimes, if you think about it. They keep moving, and they won't stop no matter how much you beg. But on the other hand, they are quite forgiving about what's already past. They run past, smoothing out the rough edges and shining the past until it shows bright and happy in the sunlight.
Time is a blessing and a curse. It's one of the trials we have to go through in life. We have to learn to live with it, and deal with it. That's all we can do, really.
We have to learn in time to deal with time.

Quote - Time

2005-08-27T12:40:00.000-05:00

Time is the fire in which we burn.
~Gene Roddenberry

Nobleness of Thought

2005-08-26T12:43:00.000-05:00

I think too much, I really do. I'm always thinking of something, even if it's just daydreaming the next few chapters in one of the books I'm trying to write, or how to pay for my college education, or thinking of my own little Universe, or some other crazy scheme (I have quite a few). Some people think I must be a very lonely person since I usually eat by myself and spend a lot of time in my room doing homework (or avoiding said homework), but it's not true. I've got my friends, and I've got my thoughts, and that's all I really need.
Sure, I know most of them won't ever happen, but I can dream, can't I? I can imagine a place better than this one, a world more interesting, and the changes I can make to help this world get where it's supposed to be, can't I?
They're my thoughts, and you can't stop me. I will dream how I want to dream, and I will make a difference.
...I just have to figure out the best way to go about it.

Quote - Thoughts

2005-08-26T12:31:00.000-05:00

He never is alone that is accompanied with noble thoughts.
~Fletcher

Life's Simple Pleasures

2005-08-25T12:35:00.000-05:00

I rather like the simple joys of life, the ones that don't really matter in the huge scheme of things but certainly make things more bearable in the immediate present. What's the point of looking ahead all the time if it makes you depressed? That's no fun, no fun at all.
So stop and smell the flowers every once in awhile. Tiptoe through the tulips (after checking that whoever's tulips they are won't get mad at you of course). Admire the morning dew on a spiderweb or the smile of a friend or the little pleasures of life that actually make it interesting.
Everyone nowadays seems so intent on getting from point A to point B, they don't stop and think about what's sitting in the middle. Which is rather sad, if you think about it, because they're looking to the future and missing life in the process.
So what if you take the scenic route and don't get there as soon as you like - you'll have some good memories! Take it from me, I have a tendancy to sometimes get caught up "in the fast track". I can't sit still, I can't relax, I have to be doing something in order to feel like my life has a purpose.
But you know what I've discovered? My life does have a purpose... and part of that is actually enjoying the time I've got here.

Quote - Poet

2005-08-25T12:30:00.000-05:00

A poet is someone who is astonished by everything.
~Anonymous

You Did?

2005-08-24T12:32:00.000-05:00

If happiness is good health and a bad memory, then I must be really happy. I like to think I have good health. I get sick a lot more than I used to, but that's mostly from living crammed into a dorm I think. Or maybe antibacterial soap. I can't ever remember. =)
And as for the bad memory bit, I have a tendency to forget lots of things, especially stuff I don't want to remember. So I've actually had people appologize to me about stuff that I forgot had happened. Don't get me wrong, appologies are a good thing, but they should be timed to actually occur when they really matter, instead of after I forget they happened. Otherwise I might get upset about it all over again, and that kind of defeats the purpose, doesn't it?
So I mosey my way through life, laughing at the fun and forgetting or ignoring the bad, content in my own little Universe. =)

Quote - Happiness

2005-08-24T12:29:00.000-05:00

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
~Ingrid Bergman

The Father of Invention

2005-08-23T22:29:00.000-05:00

I just found this funny, especially since it really is true, but no one wants to admit it. How many inventions were made because it would be faster or easier than something else?
I had never really thought of it this way before, but it is most definitely true. The lazier we get, the more "time-saving" devices we have. And the more "recreational electrionics" we have, and more advanced, too! You can live a whole life staring at a screen, and not have to step outside at all, ever!
Now if only someone would invent a robot to do my homework, then everything would be perfect. =)

Quote - Inventive Minds

2005-08-23T16:05:00.000-05:00

(17:04:16) Joe: Necessity is the Mother of Invention, but Laziness is Certainly the Father's Trait.

Career Choices

2005-08-22T12:10:00.000-05:00

I think I'm rather picky when it comes to choosing jobs. That's my opinion, anyway. Others say I seem to be happy just about anywhere, but they don't know what's going on inside this crazy mind of mine.
I have to have a job that's fun, and interesting, and challenging. I have to be able to think, and actually need to think, and have others listen to my thoughts. I have to be in the thick of things, on the factory floor, out at the construction zone, close to the action. Yet I also have to have a spot to call my own, my own personal office, which I can retreat to when I need my own thinking space. Cubicles are okay, but only if I can actually see out of them - tall walls with a small doorway doesn't cut it for me, I'd end up sitting in the doorway to avoid getting claustrophobic. There have to be fun people there, with a streak of craziness, so that I can feel I at least partially fit in somewhere. Union guys are a plus, because they are usually serious, dedicated, patriotic, and fun. Even the janitors - you haven't lived until you've had lunch with the janitors. =)
Those are just the requirements that will get me to wake up in the morning and go to work. To keep me going there I'll also need a chair, and a plan. If the retirement benefits are bad I'm not going to stick around until I retire, I'll just stay until I get the experience I want and the learning I need and I'll go off and find something else to do. I'm smart, I can find my own way, and I'm not desparate. Most people I work with seem to like me, who knows why, but if they like me I can get some good recommendations for somewhere else, and continue my quest to determine what I want to be when I grow up.
Not that I'll ever really grow up. Life's more fun when you're not quite grown up. Plus with the crazy imagination kids have, I can snag some zany ideas that surprisingly work. Which is good, for a company, if you think about it. If everyone stuck to the "tried and true" and stayed inside their box where they could feel warm and safe... well, nobody would invent anything new, and technology would stagnate. It's good to shake up the "traditional" way of doing things every once in awhile. It's the only way you can learn if "traditional" is the "best" way of doing things.
So while I have determined I can't be a Sith Lord, and there probably aren't any openings for furniture tamers (more's the pity), I can certainly find something that I'll enjoy. There are plenty of things out there, and I'm going to keep my eyes open.

You never know what you'll find if you just take the time to look.

Quote - Career Plans

2005-08-22T02:43:00.000-05:00

(22:46:04) SolarCat: Wait, Sith Lords aren't supposed to smile, are they?
(22:46:09) SolarCat: Darn, there goes my career plans.
(22:46:14) SolarCat: Have to go think of something else now.
(22:46:25) SolarCat: Furniture Tamer!

I Like to Think...

2005-08-21T12:24:00.000-05:00

...that I'm an honest person. Other might disagree with me on this one, perhaps. And I will admit I have a tendency to exaggerate sometimes, or embelish the truth... But I like to think that I am generally an honest person, and I sincerely hope I'm not just lying to myself on this.

Quote - Honesty

2005-08-21T12:22:00.000-05:00

Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.
~Thomas Jefferson

Seriously

2005-08-06T22:12:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I take life too seriously. Sometimes I act as if I'm staring down annihilation all the time, and failure is just around the corner. But you know what?
I'm not going to do that anymore.
Nothing is safe from my insanity.

You can run, but you can't hide...

Quote - Laughter

2005-08-06T11:47:00.000-05:00

If you don't learn to laugh at troubles, you won't have anything to laugh at when you grow old.
~Edward W. Howe

The Cost of Living

2005-08-05T14:21:00.000-05:00

There is a high cost of living, if you think about it. Not just the money, but emotionally and physically, too. We are, in essence, dying from the moment we're born.

Or at least, that's how some people think about it.

I prefer to find the happy things in life, it makes it worth living. The little things in life, like the dew on a spiderweb or the smell of a flower, can brighten your day more than you'd think. And then there's the bigger things, like surprisingly good news, or even the presence of a friend.
There is so much to look for in life. And I intend to find all of it. =)

Quote - Cost of Living

2005-08-05T11:46:00.000-05:00

Despite the high cost of living, it remains a popular item.
~Anonymous

Questions? Comments? Complaints?

2005-08-04T11:43:00.000-05:00

I've slipped into the complaint trap. I know I'm doing it, but I can't help to stop, complaining help me feel better (both the "emotional" and the "superior" kind)... It's a bad habit, that really needs to be fixed. But how? I like complaining...
But the people who enjoy complaining are usually the ones who don't have many friends willing to listen. They're always complaining about something or other going wrong and the bring stormclouds to whoever's listening. Who wants that? Certainly not me.
Then why do I inflict it on others? Who knows... Who really knows...

Quote - Complaints

2005-08-04T10:56:00.000-05:00

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
~Lily Tomlin

Fun With Words

2005-08-03T10:58:00.000-05:00

I've always loved reading, ever since I was little. I've actually been yelled at for reading too much, upon occasion, if you believe that. Science fiction, autobiographies, history, comedy, I love all of them.
And there's nothing quite like a good book. Find a really good one to curl up with, and you can spend a lot of enjoyable time. Living in a large family, where everyone was always too busy with something else, books were one of my best friends. They were always there when I needed them or, if they weren't, it was my fault. (I do have a tendency to lose them.) They can transport you to different times and places, and even into different people's minds.

I've got "a few" favorite books and authors, who I'd highly recommend:

Dale Brown - military fiction, mainly dealing with the Cold War timeperiod.
Stephen Hawking - I'm still working my way though "A Brief History of Time," it's fascinating
Michio Kaku - read his book on Hyperspace! It's fascinating, and it can help you understand Stephen Hawking
William Shirer - autobiographies of a reporter in Europe the early half of the 20th century
Herman Wouk - historical fiction, mainly World War II
Timothy Zahn - Star Wars
Elizabeth Peters - her "Amelia Peabody" series, archaeological/mystery historic fiction
Michael Stackpole - Star Wars
Edward J. Stackpole - a military analysis of battles of the Civil War, from a retired army officer
Nikita Kruschev - a highly biased view of Russia around the time of World War II, written by one of its influential leaders. Be sure to get the annotated version with notes
Hendrick Smith - a world reporter, his "The Russians" is quite fascinating
Chuck Yeager - if you get ahold of his autobiography, it's rather fascinating
Douglas Adams - science fiction comedy, and quite hilarious

Quote - Books

2005-08-03T10:50:00.000-05:00

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
~ Groucho Marx

Amazingly Awesome

2005-08-02T20:22:00.000-05:00

Yep. Amazingly Awesome, that's how I describe my friends. I have the best friends in the world, I really do. And I don't know what I'd do without them.
Friends are a necessity in life. Especially good friends. When you run out of strength to keep going, your friends prop you up enough that you can keep going. Sometimes they'll even drag you where you need to go, if you're too stubborn to go there yourself.
I love my friends, I really do.

Quote - Awesomeness

2005-08-02T19:20:00.000-05:00

(20:19:26) Chris: You're awesome and I care for awesome people.

Quote - Read Between the Lies

2005-08-01T22:48:00.000-05:00

You came strollin' into my life
How'd you get around the wall
Make me lay down my defenses
Will this be another fall
You're disturbing my cool facade
Questioning the premise that I'm all I've got

I've been hurt by love so many times
Living in a lonely shell
Pretending I am all-sufficient
Not even honest to myself
About the lonely place inside
Cryin' for love
But livin' a lie

So if I say that I don't need you
I'll go on the same without you
There's a truth that lies
Behind my desperate alibi
Can you see my soul is empty
Can you trace the tears I hide
For my heart's sake
Read between the lies

You've heard it said that love and loss
Are two halves of the whole
And we've got to pay the piper
But the price can gouge your soul
The scars I carry show
When you get close
Oh won't you get close

So if I say that I don't need you
I'll go on the same without you
There's a truth that lies
Behind my desperate alibi
Can you see my soul is empty
Can you trace the tears I hide
For my heart's sake
Read between the lies

~ "Read Between the Lies," Annie Moses Band

My Friend, Confusion

2005-07-30T23:33:00.000-05:00

Sometimes life happens quickly. Sometimes everything just seems to sneak up on you until you're left stunned, wondering "What the heck was that?"
I feel like that right now. It's been a crazy week, really. But you know what? I wouldn't trade it for the world. Lots of good things have happened. And one really really great thing has happened. It's proof to me, really, that no matter how confused things might become, there's good just around the corner.
And this "really great" good, I get all to myself. =)
(I know, I'm greedy, but so what? I am thoroughly enjoying myself. And so is he.)

Quote - Decisions

2005-07-30T23:00:00.000-05:00

(23:59:23) Joe: Oh, and you know the whole Angel on one shoulder, Devil on the other? This time they're pointing at each other and saying "Listen to Him. I'm Stumped."

Open. Close. Open. Close. Open...

2005-07-23T11:07:00.000-05:00

There have certainly been a lot of doors opening lately. So many wonderful options and opportunities. Doors may close, but they let other doors open. And those other doors can lead to even greater things, if you just learn to let go of the memories behind the doors that have closed.

Maybe it's time to let go and start over. Maybe it's time to burn the last bridge... A bridge to a closed, locked door.

Maybe it's time.

Quote - Doors

2005-07-22T23:06:00.000-05:00

The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.
~Flora Whittemore

I'm Not a Violent Person... Honest!

2005-07-22T20:09:00.000-05:00

I had to post that quote here, because it had me laughing for quite awhile. I will assure you, though, it's not as bad as it sounds.
See, the dorm I'm staying in has an ant problem. Facilities was supposed to spray to keep them out, but they haven't done it yet and so there are ants swarming everywhere. They ate the last piece of the cake I made for work (although, granted, I probably should have put it in the refrigerator or something), they swarmed my desk, they started trying to eat me. I've got small bite marks all up my arm.
Now I can survive if they eat my cake. I'll even survive if they swarm my desk. But if something bites me, that something will die. So I went on an ant killing spree. Only the ones on my desk, though, that got too close. If they left me alone, I left them alone.

Isn't it funny how circumstances can turn even the most laid-back person into someone scary. Sometimes it's just a really bad day, or sometimes it's a sore spot, or sometimes it's a pressure escape. We all do things out of character.
I guess the trick is to pick the times when it doesn't matter as much. Pick the less damaging ways to relieve stress. If I'm mad at people I don't kill them, I just write poetry because it makes me feel better.

And as far as the ants are concerned, they're still swarming my desk. They're just not trying to eat me anymore...

Quote - Genocidal

2005-07-22T19:56:00.000-05:00

(20:49:46) Joe: You're so sexy when you're Genocidal.

Arrrr!

2005-07-21T19:55:00.000-05:00

Ever have a mid-life crisis, and find yourself longing to do something completely different? Ever get so stressed out that you don't want to follow your current path, you just want to give up and try something else instead?
I've been through the second one. It's rough, sometimes. I know, I've been there... But you know what? It's survivable! Isn't that great?
Add a lot of determination, a touch of stubbornness, and a generous helping of humor and you've got your "Crisis Survival Kit" right there. It works, too! =)

Quote - Pirate!

2005-07-21T10:54:00.000-05:00

I'm having a midlife crisis right now. I think I want to be a pirate. My little brother says I should be a pirate. Of course, he's only seven...
~ Erin, paraphrased

My Fringe Stage

2005-07-20T22:43:00.000-05:00

I don't like agreeing with the majority, unless I really do agree. With today's society, if everyone else thinks it's a good idea, chances are it isn't. At least, not the right answer for me. I'm different than all of them. To be honest, sometimes I don't even agree with myself! =)
If "everyone is doing it," you might want to take a look at exactly what that phrase means. To me, it means "people who want to fit in at the risk of their happiness and sanity and free will are doing it, because they're insecure and just want to fit in." Maybe I'm being too harsh, and I will admit it isn't always that way, but too often it is. Too often it just means that people are way too willing to surrender their opinions, preferences, and their very soul to "go with the flow."

If I have to agree with the majority, I want to know that I really do agree, not that I'm just "going along with it." I'm funny like that.

Quote - Majorities

2005-07-20T08:41:00.000-05:00

If you ever find yourself on the side of the Majority, it's time to pause and reflect.
~Mark Twain

Unknown, Unplanned

2005-07-19T19:39:00.000-05:00

But not unintentional.

I am really enjoying my summer. I am glad I accepted the job I did, it's opened many doors and really allowed me some fantastic opportunities.
One of which I'm working on now. I like to plan long-term, and this job has really allowed me to do that. They like me, I like them, and I am thinking it's going to work out. =)

Quote - No Mistakes

2005-07-19T07:28:00.000-05:00

There are no mistakes, no coincidences. All events are blessings given to us to learn from.
~Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

Nobody

2005-07-18T18:37:00.000-05:00

Something I've learned is that no matter how much it might seem that "Nobody Cares," lots of people care. The statement that "nobody cares" just doesn't cut it anymore, because chances are that there's at least one person who does, and usually a lot more.
I've learned this. As I go through life I face the ups and downs, but I don't face them alone. I have God, my family, and the friends I've accumulated while passing through life. Somehow I always expect my friends to run away, to get sick and tired and bored of listening to me grumble, but for some odd reason they always stick around. =)

There's just no room for poor "Nobody" anymore...

Quote - Nobody

2005-07-17T23:40:00.000-05:00

Nobody loves me,
Nobody cares,
Nobody picks me peaches and pears.
Nobody offers me candy and Cokes,
Nobody listens and laughs at my jokes.
Nobody helps when I get in a fight,
Nobody does all my homework at night.
Nobody misses me,
Nobody cries,
Nobody thinks I'm a wonderful guy.
So if you ask me who's my best friend in a whiz.
I'll stand up and tell you that Nobody is.
But yesterday night I got quite a scare,
I woke up and Nobody just wasn't there.
I called out and reached for Nobody's hand,
In the darkness where Nobody usually stands.
Then I boked through the house, in each cranny and nook,
But I found somebody each place that I looked.
I seached till I'm tired, and now with the dawn,
There's no doubt about it--

Nobody's gone!

~Shel Silverstein

Randomize!

2005-07-17T22:39:00.000-05:00

It's the random parts of life that are the most fun. The parts that don't quite make sense and yet make perfect sense, all at the same moment.
The worthwhile jokes are the ones that happen by accident. Spontaneous. The collection of random words into a unified (and sometimes hilarious) whole.

It's good to be random. It keeps life interesting. =)

Quote - Psychic Squirrels

2005-07-17T21:06:00.000-05:00

(22:02:05) SolarCat: You're not an evil psychic squirrel, are you...?
(22:03:18) PrimeReissue: Evil Psychic? Technically, yes. Squirrel? No. My "Tail" is neither that long, nor that furry in proportion to the rest of me.
(22:03:51) SolarCat: Oh good.
(22:04:12) SolarCat: "Evil" and "psychic" are okay, but add that "squirrel" part in... That's real trouble. =)
(22:04:51) PrimeReissue: Yep. Spend all day being nuts, then trying to read your own mind to figure out where you burried yourself.
(22:05:03) SolarCat: Yeah, exactly. That would be terrible.

My Millions

2005-07-16T22:33:00.000-05:00

I used to think it would be great to be rich. I could have all the cool technological gadgets I wanted and I wouldn't have to pay for going to college. I could be myself and not worry about running out of the money I'd need to do what I want to do...

But you know what? My Millions aren't counted in money. They're counted in smiles, and snapshots in time. The good moments spent with friends and the calming moments admiring the patterns of the dew in a spider's web. They're the exciting moments of holding a Python for the first time or realizing dreams or learning something new. They're my family and friends, my achievements and those little smiles you can bring to someone's face just by treating them like a person.
That's where my treasure is, and that's where my Millions are.

Quote - Millionaire

2005-07-16T22:28:00.000-05:00

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
~Dorothy Parker

The Future is at Hand...

2005-07-15T22:11:00.000-05:00

I am a firm believer in the future. I like to plan ahead, not a rigid schedule, but enough of a schedule that I can tell where I'm going and approximately how I'm going to get there. I like to be flexible and prepared.

You can't get so wrapped in the past that you forget where you're going. That's not healthy, you'll end up living your whole life walking backwards. Live, learn, and move on. Likewise, if you focus too much on the present you won't be prepared for where you're going.
Enjoy today and plan for tomorrow. If you're always planning for the future you'll miss the present moments. But if you always live in the present moments you won't know where you're going.

It's a fine balance, but it's worth walking. The future - and the enjoyment of today - is at stake...

Quote - Future Plans

2005-07-15T22:05:00.000-05:00

My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there.
~Charles F. Kettering

Beautiful!

2005-07-14T21:54:00.000-05:00

You want to know something? I love life. There's always something interesting going on, if you take the time to find it. There's always a new opportunity, if you take the time to look. Being happy is a choice, and you can choose to be happy or you can choose to be miserable, but being happy makes me feel better so I think I'll stick with that option. =)
Life isn't about having the latest toy or the best job or the greatest computer games or the most money. It's about having the best friends, the best confidence you're capable of, and taking advantage of all your opportunities to be happy. In my opinion, it is in my own best interest to be happy. Life is so much more enjoyable that way.
You have to look for the little things in life, the things we take for granted. It's so easy to notice the bad things in life... So we have to look to the good. The things that are always there, and usually ignored. Our family, the morning sun through the clouds, the smile from a stranger...

Don't overlook the good in life. Live for the underappreciated little things, the simple joys of life. That's where the beauty of life really is...

Quote - True Beauty

2005-07-14T21:51:00.000-05:00

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched -- they must be felt with the heart.
~Helen Keller

Calling All Courage

2005-07-13T21:31:00.000-05:00

Sometimes it seems difficult to keep going when all the world is stacked against you. Sometimes you hit a wall and wonder exactly what you're going to do to overcome this latest obstacle.

The best destinations are the ones you have to work towards. They're the ones that aren't handed to you on a silver platter, but rather the ones that try to run away whenever you feel you're close, the ones that hide behind the mountains and across the deserts and beyond the waterfall.
They're the ones worth fighting for, the elusive dreams. The impossible ones, the ones that nobody thinks you can do.

Pursue the worthwhile dreams, the once-in-a-lifetime dreams, the ones that take a lot of work but are worth it in the end. Push yourself past your limits, continue on your journey long after you're bone tired, don't listen to the world laugh.

Dream it. Do it. Done.

Quote - Do

2005-07-13T21:25:00.000-05:00

You must do the things you think you cannot do.
~Eleanor Roosevelt

In Your Dreams

2005-07-12T18:24:00.000-05:00

I used to agree that sleep was better than actually living life. You can do whatever you want in your dreams, nothing's impossible and if you don't like a particular outcome you can try again. That's what my dreams are like - crazy. In a fun sort of way, of course. =)

But you know what? Life's so much more interesting when you're actually living it. You don't have to be sane, just live your life, have a good time, check some goals off your list and try to find ways of accomplishing more. Live to the fullest, that's what I say.

In case I forget my "career goals," I'll post them here. (Yes, these are real.)
1. Graduate from college with at least a Master's Degree. Mechanical Engineering of course, Electromechanical where possible.
2. Get a good job doing something in either the aeronautics industry or else alternative energy, like the hybrid cars. Both would, of course, be preferred. And I'm not a fan of high cubicle walls with only a tiny little doorway connecting the inside of the cubicle to the outside world.
3. Buy a car, an old one. It has to be nice-looking, maybe some form of sports car, but nothing too expensive. The engine doesn't necessarily need to work. Paint it white with a blue racing stripe and convert it to electric. Lithium batteries, 9" motor, high-end motor controller. Spare no expense, but look for bargains. My dream, my car, my money, my fun!
4. Learn how to fly. Airplanes first, maybe helicopters later. I want my own pilot's license.
5. Own a snake. A corn snake, to be precise. I'm told those are really easy snakes to take care of, and really friendly. Good for beginners.
6. Own a parrot. An African Gray, because those are neat. They have the intelligence of a seven-year-old, so you can have conversations with them, too. Maybe I can teach him or her to read. They live long, too, if they're given the proper love and care. They're the kind of pet you have to put in your will.
7. Learn how to skydive. Just because. It sounds like fun.
8. Learn how to hang glide. Same reason.
9. Buy one of those kit planes from California, the ones with the Canards on the front aligned so it's impossible to stall. That would make a fun little plane. Plus I could build it myself.
10. Finish and publish my book. Write more and publish those, too.
11. Learn languages, especially Spanish, Russian, and German, but anything else is welcome, too. Polish might be fun.
12. Travel around the world. I want to meet interesting people, see interesting things, and just learn what it's like to live somewhere else. I like to know things.
13. See an airshow. I love airplanes, I've always wanted to go to an airshow, but I've never been to one. One of these days, though, I will.
14. Learn computer programming. I think it will be useful.
15. Become better acquainted with Linux. So many distributions, so many command line options, so little time...
16. Build my own computer. Just once.
17. Buy a Macintosh. I don't have a great affinity for Macintosh, but they work, and I've never used one, so I think it'll be fun.
18. Write a song. A good one this time. I've written a few, but they're not so great. I like them, of course, but they're not the "wow, this is good" sort.
19. Buy a house. Grow Tiger Lillies and Sugar Peas in the backyard.
20. Stay crazy. I never want to grow sane. Life's too boring when you're sane.
21. Go on a mission trips somewhere. Africa? South America? Both? I'm leaving my options open.
22. Make a difference in the world. Leave a positive mark.
23. Adopt a homeless child, from here or another country.

Those are just the lists of things I want to do, as I thought of them. It's a bigger list, so I only put up more of the interesting ones.
I have fun. I'm crazy. What more can I say?

I live in my own little Dream World. But it's okay, they know me here.

Quote - Life and Sleep

2005-07-12T17:28:00.000-05:00

Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.
~Fran Lebowitz

Our Friends in Afghanistan

2005-07-11T16:22:00.000-05:00

The quote is from a friend of mine currently serving in Afghanistan. As you can tell he's not exactly fond of the weather. I thought it was creative, so I just had to quote it.

I'm not sure exactly how I feel on the "War on Terror" at the moment. On the one hand, how do you fight terrorists? It's not like going to war against a country's military, it's like going to war against shadows, you don't really know who you're after until you can actually see them. On the other hand, we're making a difference in the world. But is that the sort of difference we want? And do we really want to be "the world's policeman"? But we don't want to leave poor, threatened countries to destruction, either. People die both ways, suffer both ways. So what to do?
It's a tough decision to make. That's why I'm never running for President.
Of the United States, anyway...

Quote - Al Asad

2005-07-11T15:07:00.000-05:00

Yeah, Al Asad sucks for weather. It's like living in a blowdrier filled with sand.
~Daaron

TV Violence

2005-07-10T16:06:00.000-05:00

I found this quote amusing, but it really does point out one of the big issues I have with society. Why must everything on television be so violent? What is so fascinating about blood and guts and gore? Back when The A-Team came out it was accused of being too violent; now it's extremely mild. There are explosions but the only blood you see is from people who are only injured. You never see people die, even though sometimes it's implied that they do.
Nowadays nothing is left to the imagination. That's why I gave up on most movies. There's very few I go to.
I'd prefer to choose my own adventure, rather than live someone else's. I want to go skydiving and own a parrot and a snake and learn how to pilot an airplane and live life the way I feel it should be lived.

I'm not living someone else's adventure, I'm going to live my own...

Quote - TV Violence

2005-07-10T15:24:00.000-05:00

"As if we don't have enough violence on television." (After President Bush accidentally hit two spectators with golf balls during a celebrity golf tournament.)
~ Barbara Bush

Me, Myself, and My Own Life

2005-07-09T22:00:00.000-05:00

I don't see why so many people nowadays want to be someone else instead of themselves. I could understand maybe wishing life wasn't so hard, or you were luckier, richer, more famous, but only for a short amount of time, nothing long term, nothing serious or anything. Why is society obsessed about movie stars and racy cars and being someone other than themselves?

Just be yourselves, people!

Life's more interesting when you're living in a way where you make your own decisions and you're own mistakes, instead of reliving someone else's. Life is more interesting when you get to do your own thinking, instead of letting someone else decide what's "cool" and what isn't.
Live life, don't just plod along trying to be something you're not. We're all different for a reason. Diversity is a beautiful thing. Live it, love it, and make it count.
We all have our own strengths and weaknesses, and the only real way to live is to use them as best you can, learn from mistakes and keep on making a difference, as best you can.

Break away from the crowd. Do something different. Don't be afraid to be yourself.

Quote - Be Yourself

2005-07-09T21:51:00.000-05:00

Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.
~Judy Garland

Pressing On

2005-07-08T21:38:00.000-05:00

I'm surprised how many people will simply give up when things become "too difficult" to continue. If things get difficult, that might not mean that you can't reach your goals. Maybe that means your goals are worth reaching, just show the determination to try.
Too many things in life aren't accomplished because the ones who get the closest to reaching the solution give up in the last lap, thinking they'll never get there. How many courses of scientific study have been abandoned as fruitless only to be picked up later with the discovery that maybe it wasn't so far off after all?

Believe in your dreams, and hold on tight. It's going to be a wild, dangerous, and sometimes discouraging ride, but you never know exactly where it'll take you.

Quote - Obstacles

2005-07-08T09:19:00.000-05:00

Obstacles are those things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
~Henry Ford

Against all Reality...

2005-07-07T20:40:00.000-05:00

I don't like reality. It crimps my style.

Life would be so much easier if I didn't have to worry about reality, or the impossible, or what I was allowed to do and what I was not allowed to do. I prefer to set my own course in life, to find my path against all odds and completely at odds with popular society.
Reality today seems to mean "whatever the pop culture says things should be like." I disagree with that. My reality is what I make of it. It is my own to live as I see fit, and as I grow and learn I will adapt my definition of reality to fit my experiences and beliefs.
Reality, in reality, is what you make of life. You have to use it to your advantage, live your life against the odds, morph your experiences and goals to fit your definition. It doesn't mean you can live in your own little world that doesn't agree with the facts you've discovered in life (although I have been known to do that, too, upon occasion). It means you need to trust in yourself and your own abilities, never take "no, it can't be done" as an answer, and stick to your guns until you accomplish your goal. It means you have to make your own "should do's" instead of using those society tries to force upon others.

It means you have to take what you see in life, and accept that as reality, instead of blindly following what others say is the true reality. You have to see your own way through life, trust your own abilities, and find your own calling.
You need to be you.

Quote - Anti-Reality

2005-07-07T08:39:00.000-05:00

Imagination is the only weapon in the war against reality.
~Jules de Gautier

Truthfulness

2005-07-06T16:00:00.000-05:00

I'll confess I've done my fair share of lying. It's a habit I'm trying to break, but I haven't succeeded in breaking it yet. There's always this fear, this "they won't like me anymore," this "but then I'll get in trouble," this "but that's so boring, I'll have to spice it up a bit."
But you know what I've discovered? It's easier to live with yourself when you tell the truth. Instead of having two regrets you only have one, or sometimes even none! Instead of beating yourself up for lying you can feel proud of yourself for telling the truth.

It's a whole lot easier to go to bed at night, and a whole lot easier to live with yourself the next morning.

I enjoy living life, I want to drain it dry of opportunities, I want to learn everything (which should keep me busy for awhile...), and I want to live with no regrets.
When you tell the truth you have more life to live and less to regret, more to enjoy and less to remember. I'd rather remember what I've really done than try to keep tabs on what I haven't done, but just made up.
Of course, that's just my personal opinion. Don't take my word for it, go try it! =)

Quote - Truth

2005-07-06T15:41:00.000-05:00

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
~Mark Twain

Really Reality

2005-07-05T15:41:00.000-05:00

I might be allergic to reality. It makes me sneeze, and I can't seem to figure out how to deal with it half the time so I just act wild and crazy and it makes me feel better. Nothing wrong with a little antireality, is there?
At least, not as long as I get to pick what the antireality I live in is like. =)

I have strange dreams at night, the kind that you'd think would result in a lack of sleep. I have to tell you about the latest one:

I'm house-sitting the inheritence of one of Mom's friends. The house (mansion, really) is in Italy. There are orphans living in the patio in the backyard, so I tell them they can live in the attic since it's not connected with the elevator. (That seems a really random sentance, but it'll make sense later.) There's three floors to this house not counting the basement and the attic, so there's plenty of space to go
around.
Mom's friend's name is Jenny, and we haven't heard from her in awhile so we're getting a little worried. Did I mention this takes place sometime during World War II? That might be part of the reason we're worried. Or it might be the strange lady that knocked on the door.
She insists there's an evil plot to destroy me lurking in the house, and that she'll bring her friends over and tell me more. Meanwhile I help the orphans into the attic. When I get downstairs I notice a package by the door, addressed to my Mom and signed "Jen." It looks like they're boxes of jam, plus a large stack of American bills (fives, twenties, and hundreds) and three 8,000 lira notes. The lady walks through the door with her friends showing off a special badge, notices the packages, and panics. She asks me if "they were on the whole time." I told her I just noticed the packages, and haven't touched them yet (although I had pocketed the money, it might be useful later). She says we have to get out now so the orphans and I head
out with her friends in the lead, and her taking up the rear.
Suddenly I hear a noise, and manage to spin around in time to notice that the outdoor shelf sitting next to the entryway has shifted, just slightly. The lady heard the noise, too, but didn't notice the shelf. It moves again, closer. I don't panic, but I am afraid. I've seen this before, and I know the shelf will kill her if she doesn't climb
out of it's reach. "Run! It's beginning again!" I yelled to her before turning back to the children. "Climb!" I tell the orphans, pointing to a trellis-like shelf along the side of the building. (It's buried in the ground, with concrete, so I know it won't become a threat. Only loose furniature comes alive.) "Hurry!"
We start to climb the trellis as the shelf gains momentum. We hope we can get to the roof before it reaches the trellis, or we will all die.

Scary dream, huh? Didn't scare me, though. Maybe I'm scarier. Or maybe I just watch too much Doctor Who. =)

Life's more fun when sanity is merely an option, instead of a requirement. You get to do the impossible, merely because you claim it isn't. You get to have fun at were, just because you say you should. You get to bounce of the walls and call it normal.
And there's never a dull moment.

Life's more fun when you're not tagged sane. =)

Quote - Reality

2005-07-05T15:40:00.000-05:00

Reality is good for you... in small doses.
~Anonymous

It's Alive!

2005-07-04T19:51:00.000-05:00

How often in life do we forget just how much of a blessing it is to actually be alive? We wander around complaining about how terrible everything and everyone is, how much we don't like what we're going through, but when it all comes down to it aren't you glad you have the chance to be alive?
There are some great people on this spinning planet, really. Some marvelously nice people, some really fun people, some awesomely great what-would-I-do-without-them people, even. But we have to focus on the ones that are causing us trouble, the ones that annoy us, the ones that just cut us off on the interstate.
Patience, people. Stop and smell the flowers. Stare into the sky. Enjoy your favorite desert, your favorite ride, your favorite person. Have fun. Make a difference. Leave your mark, light the way, carve the trail, be yourself.

Life's more fun when you actually live it. Just a humble observation from my corner of the world.
So go out and live!

Quote - Alive

2005-07-04T19:46:00.000-05:00

Dr. Franklin: I can't go back, but I can appreciate what I have right now and I can define myself by what I am instead of what I'm not.
Captain Sheridan: And what are you?
Dr. Franklin: Alive. Everything else is negotiable.
~ "Shadow Dancing," Babylon 5

Betrayal of the Heart

2005-07-03T19:24:00.000-05:00

It's true, you know. The most painful form of betrayal is the one that attacks your dreams, your ultimate goals, your desires. It's a cut to the quick, and it can be a killing blow, if you allow it to be a killing blow.
Or you can determine that you will pick up the remaining pieces, and move on with your love, come what may. You can decide that you won't let despair win, and you can keep putting one foot after the other until sometime, someday, you recover your balance and regain your life. It will be a long struggle sometimes, but it's possible, it's achievable, and happiness is attainable.
Just don't let go of your determination to try.

Quote - Betrayal

2005-07-03T19:19:00.000-05:00

There is nothing more painful than betrayl that takes away the dreams hidden in your heart.
~ Seiya Uribatake.

Take a Nap

2005-07-02T22:11:00.000-05:00

I wish there was a point when I could just go and take a nap with the knowledge of a job well done. Unfortunately the world keeps spinning beneath me and there's no way I can make it pause long enough for me to rest on my laurels so it's up and at 'em again. Doing your best can get rather tiring sometimes, I guess.
But you know what? It's easier to live with myself, the more I try to do the right thing. The harder I try to live by my own morals and do the best I can to do the right thing, the easier it is to go to bed at night. Easier of course meaning "with a good conscience," not "finding time to go to bed." No, the harder I try the less time I have to sleep, but such is success I suppose. You can applaud yourself for a job well done, but you can never escape the effort if you want to do well.
There's always something.

But you know what? That's what keeps life interesting. There's always something.
Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'll go to bed. =)

Quote - Successful

2005-07-02T09:54:00.000-05:00

There is no point at which you can say, 'Well, I'm sucessful now. I might as well take a nap.'
~Carrie Fisher

Fearing Failure

2005-07-01T21:13:00.000-05:00

I need to learn to put more trust in myself.
It's true. I doubt myself, and I shouldn't. Many times I can't myself saying "I can't do that!" But it's a lie, I can, I'm just afraid of putting in the effort.
I'm afraid of Failure.
I'm afraid of being laughed at, and labeled a failure, and most of all I'm afraid of not succeeding in something that I set out to accomplish.

And yet you never achieve anything if you just sit on the sidelines. If you want to accomplish anything you have to be willing to risk things, to put your dreams on the line in the hope that maybe, just maybe you'll hit something big. You have to be willing to dare, willing to try, and unwilling to give up.
For each time you fall, get up, dust yourself off, and try again. Each step you take is a step closer, no matter how often you fall between each precious step.
There's always hope, if you dare to dream.

That's what I'm learning.