Tuesday, February 08, 2005


I make way too many mistakes. I do things I know I shouldn't, but I can't help from doing them. I do things with good intentions that come out bad. I try to do things and end up not finishing them. Sometimes it seems like I can't hold myself together.
And I really wish it was as easy as "just tear it down and start over." But there's the time factor. And what happens if the mistake alienated a friend? You can't rebuild that friendship by simply "tearing stuff down and starting over." What if that friend won't let you start over? What if you've made the same mistake several times in a row, and you just can't keep from falling into the very same "mistake trap" each and every time it presents itself?
If I had my life to live over I would do many things differently. Some would be simple things, like not going back into the bandroom to look for my sister so the sousaphone wouldn't have fallen on my head. Some are slightly bigger, like not start an organization on campus that I now know I don't have enough guts or knowledge or experience to be able to lead. And some would be huge, life-changing events, those big if only's that lurk in the back of everyone's mind.
I've made way too many mistakes in my life. I try to live with them, I try to learn from them, but I sincerely wish I didn't make any of them...



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