Contradicting Consciousness

I've realized today that I've spent the majority of my life pretending to be someone I'm not. I've gone through life with a smile on my face and a sad song in my heart, because it's easier to pretend to be happy than to show that you're sad and have to keep answering the question, "Are you okay?" I hate that question.
My life has been a contradiction between who I really am, and who I pretend to be on the outside. I've been living a lie to all but those I trust.
It's a big discovery, and an unpleasant one. Next comes the question: how do I fix it? How do I figure out who I really am?

...This is going to take awhile...