Monday, November 01, 2004

Leering Laughter

People made fun of me a lot in Elementary and High School. I wasn't one of the popular kids, and I didn't really want to be one, not usually. Why be popular if you can't be yourself? So I went through a lot of friends in Elementary School, friends who just didn't want to stick around a year later because they'd found a more popular bunch of people to hang out with. I did make one or two really good friends in Elementary School, but that was it.
Still those good friends stuck with my when I went into High School, and I made good friends in High School too, and I have really good friends in College, so my life is going well now. And people have stopped making fun of me, too. I'm not sure if it's a new maturity or if it has something to do with the fact that everyone is so busy and the campus is huge compared to High School, but at any rate my life is easier now I guess you could say.
I always wondered what made people make fun of other people though.
I feel sorry for them, I really do. Do they feel like they can't be popular unless they drive someone else down into the dirt? Are they so insecure with themselves that they feel the need to show they have power over some unfortunate human being who who hasn't done anything wrong? Why the ridicule and the laughter?
There was one guy in Elementary School who would quite literally jump away from me with a shudder whenever I went near him. It didn't matter if I was standing in line behind him or walking by his desk to sharpen my pencil, he wanted to make it absolutely clear that he wanted nothing to do with me. Do you know how much that can hurt?
I finally told myself that you know what? It wasn't worth worrying about. If I worried about it I would go crazy and beat myself up and tell myself that I wasn't a worthwhile human being. (Don't tell me I wouldn't, I live with myself on a daily basis, I recognize certain habits and tendencies and I tell you, I would really do that.) I finally decided that he wasn't worth it, and that someday I hoped he'd grow up and realize how much that can hurt someone, and what a supid thing it was to do. (Of course, frequently I'd hope I could rub it in his face too, but please don't hold that against me please.)
Whoever makes fun of you, don't let them get under your skin, you're letting them win. Live your own life, and don't worry about them. They're not even worth the time.
Be yourself, that's all that matters.



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