Wednesday, September 08, 2004

Pillars of Thought

Sometimes I agree with Goethe. Sometimes it's really easy to act on things. I know I have frequently acted without even really thinking -- it was easy to do, a quick solution, no pain in trying to figure out what to do, you just do something. Of course, if you asked how many times I was glad that I acted first, without thought, I'd tell you it wasn't very often. Every once in awhile things magically worked out. More often they didn't.
And yet sometimes it's easy to think about acting, and never really get around to doing the thing you're thinking about. For example, that's how I feel about my homework right now. I really should do it, I'm thinking about doing it almost constantly, and yet how much of it have I actually done? None. Zero. Zilch. Nada.
Sometimes I spend way too much time thinking about doing things, that I never really get around to the actual "doing" part. Sad, isn't it? Nonetheless, it happens. Way too often, I might add.
And yet doing things without thinking remains highly tempting. I frequently have moments where I just don't want to think, I don't want to feel anything, I don't want to be anyone or do anything important, I just want to stop thinking, I want to turn off my brain and just exist, nothing more. That's why I make sure I can trust my friends, otherwise I'll end up doing something I'll regret, because during these times I just try to think on my own as little as possible, and just do what they think is the best thing to do.
That doesn't mean an absence of all thoughts or anything. I still think, I like logic-puzzles, I just don't want anything that involves my real life. I don't want anything to do with who I am, I just want to analyze things that have no bearing on my life. I don't want to be me, I just want to be, to exist. Ask me what country you think has the best chance of conquering the world, ask me play a long and involved game of RISK, just whatever you do don't ask me to make a decision. Important decisions are EVIL, as are questions like, "What's your favorite flavor of Jello?" Your answer would probably be along the lines of, "I don't know. Why don't you make all of them and then I'll try a little of each and spend ten hours deciding."
So I know what it's like to not want to think about why you're doing something, but instead just wish someone would come around and tell you what exactly you should do. That way you don't have to try and think up something by yourself.
So I guess Goethe is right, but only partially. Sometimes the action is easy but the thinking is hard. Other times it's the thinking that's easier to do, and the action that just doesn't seem to want to come at all.
And sometimes neither one is easy to do. I guess it all depends on who you are, and how you feel. I guess it's an ever-changing thing, something that makes Goethe's statement both true and false at the same time. Nothing is constant in this life.
And I think I'll stop "doing" now, because this "thinking" is hurting my head.



Blogger fire said...

I agree, I never wish to be me I just want to exsist I really don't like people asking me what they should do I agree with you also with the thinking and acting however I still have not mastered doing the two things at once goodluck with that.

10:54 PM  

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