Monday, October 18, 2004

Instruments of Change

One thing I don't really understand nowadays is how eager some people seem to be to change themselves because "that's what they want." Why are people so eager to change themselves to fit what Society tells them people should be? Wait a minute here -- shouldn't Society be determined by the people who are in it? Shouldn't Society be the collection of people in the world being themselves? Why are we "supposed" to act out the part of someone else in order to be "accepted"?
What is acceptance, at least nowadays, except for being boxed in until we fit the "mold" for what we're "supposed to be"? If that's what it takes to be "accepted", count me out. I'm not interested.
I'm not interested in any rules which say we can't be us. I refuse to pretend to be something I'm not. I refuse to change who I am because people say that's what I'm "supposed" to be, and I won't do what I'm "supposed to do" unless I agree with it.
I will not bow to the demands of Society.

Now I know, in saying this, I am somewhat of a hypocrite. I, too, have tried to change who I am to suit the whims of others, most notable my Mother but she wasn't the only one. And you know what? I've realized that I'm not really happy. I don't like acting the part of the always obedient daughter. I want to be an Engineer, not a Doctor/Nurse/Surgeon, and that's what I intend to study. (That took a year of arguments). And I will have a boyfriend, because I love him, and he loves me, and we help each other out, and woe betide anyone who tries to tell me otherwise. (This was a gradual two-year pursuasion. I wasn't "allowed" to date). And I will follow my class curriculum as I see fit, and if that means overloading one semester and then doing as little as possible the next, then so be it. Because I know how I learn best, because I'm the only one who is me. And if I want to/don't want to do something, then you're going to have to pursuade me that it's in my best interest to change my mind.
I will trust my instincts. I won't be afraid to change my mind if the situation/facts change. Or if my knowledge of the situation/facts changes. I will not be afraid to be me.
This is my resolution. Here's hoping I can stick to it.
The only one who can change me is me. And I have to have a pretty good reason.
So there. =)



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