Thursday, November 11, 2004

Crumbling Down

Ever have a day when you just didn't see the point in living it, but didn't know why? That's me today. I haven't felt like doing anything. Jazz band was the most fun I had all day, because he taught us how to do improvisation. That was fun, and interesting, and something new, and it didn't require studying.
It's everything else that I have issues with.
The world is falling apart, or at least my world is. I have no idea who I am or what I'm doing here. What am I doing here? Why am I here? Where am I going? Do I want to go there?
There are lots of questions in my life tonight. And not nearly enough answers. Not nearly enough answers.
Have you ever felt yourself slowly falling apart from the inside out? That's me today. I don't even know what's going on, and I really really don't like feeling out of control. I don't. I like to be in control, I like to have a feeling of where I'm going, and right now I have no idea at all. Right now I am sitting here, wondering what I am doing here, and asking myself why I'm not an English major.
I don't want to be me right now.
I want everything to disappear, and leave me alone.
Because at least when I'm alone, I might not have to deal with anything.
Maybe.
If I'm lucky.

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2 Comments:

Blogger Thivai Abhor said...

Elizabeth...

it must be nice to elevate yourself above the fray...

conversation--if you have it within you!

9:24 PM  
Blogger Elizabeth Raventail said...

Life is rough sometimes. Especially today.
Today has been a very long week.
Yes, week. It really does seem that long...

9:37 PM  

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